There is a woman who lives within me. I've named her Wilma.
She's not real to anyone but me...
... a personification of the loud, debilitating voice that causes my self-doubt and #imposter feeling to arise when I'm up to cool things.
Before I personified her, I referenced her as "The Goal Mover". She is the part of me that never allows me to rest and be satisfied with the achievements I've made. She'll say things like
- "Wow, so great that you were recognized with that award locally, it was probably a mistake and oh by the way, they don't know that you suck at your job because you've never been recognized in the industry."
- or "Great you got that prospect - but don't forget you aren't as technical as THEM (fill in nameless person in a power suit that represents perfection in the industry)."
I've been paying attention to this voice of Wilma's a lot over the last 3 years. And I've slowly been making peace with her. She is super harsh & never lets me win. She is persistent, a daily interaction.
Here are the things I've learned:
🔒 Her pattern of moving the goal for me is to protect me from my fear of letting my community down.
🔒 Her pattern of yelling "Boo" (reference link below) at me is protecting me from my fear of getting too full of myself & making others feel unwanted.
🔒 Her pattern of snapping me to "the next thing" (which is stacked on many other next things) is to protect me from my fear of being rejected and lonely.
✨She protects me from what I fear most... But also, my fears are based in a childlike framework of the world and are not as relevant today. ✨
The fears do have some merit; I desire to be a good human in the world. Yet, she is often overkill. I pay a huge mental, emotional, financial, social and energetic price in the process.
So how can you get in touch with your own version of Wilma?
A few practices:
💭Leave work the minute your office closes for the day. Pay attention to your thought patterns.
💭Drive the speed limit, not a mph over or less. Pay attention to your thought patterns.
💭 When you win an award, are publicly or individually thanked for a contribution, say nothing more than "thank you". Pay attention to your #thoughtpatterns.
What comes up for you? I'd love to hear about it.
Here's my Wilma, (over)Protector of Liz Hand: https://lnkd.in/eQybsJRY
Standing for your Greatness,
💛 Liz
p.s. Did you notice by making her Wilma, I made myself Buttercup? [insert hair flip here] Disney really pulled through with their messaging in my youth. 👑
